Our readers aren't stupid. We don't need to tell them what the mc is always thinking. If you describe the scene well, they'll get it. I write mostly YA and teens especially don't like to be told what is already obvious. It takes practice folks, and learning what to look for, but is vital to your writing.
For example: Tina felt so tired, and yet, she had to go on. OR The muscles in Tina's thighs burned like fire as she stumbled through the dense forest, her breath rasping through her throat. But she hurried on, knowing she'd be buried before nightfall if she didn't.
Which do you like better? Yes, showing may take more time, but it is well worth it and will stimulate your reader's senses rather then letting them grow bored. One thing that will help is to get rid of all "thought" verbs. I learned this little tidbit from author, Chuck Palahnuik.
That means: DELETE these words from your story as much as possible. Thinks, knows, understands, realizes,believes, wants, remembers, imagines, desires, loves, hates, Is and Has. (and a hundred others in all their tenses and forms)It will force you to show, to create, to mesmerize, and your story will shine with sensory input. Your story will plow forward with power.
And isn't that what we all want?
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